To Help Young Kids Handle Big Emotions, Adults Must Look Inward

May 18, 2026 - 17:38

Alyssa Blask Campbell is challenging the way adults approach emotional development in children. Rather than focusing solely on teaching kids to manage their outbursts, she argues that the real work begins with the grown-ups in the room. Campbell, a leading voice in early childhood emotional intelligence, advocates for a method she calls Collaborative Emotion Processing.

The core idea is simple but difficult to execute. When a toddler throws a tantrum or a preschooler shuts down, the adult's first instinct is often to fix the situation or shut down the emotion. Campbell suggests that adults must first regulate their own nervous systems before they can effectively guide a child. This means pausing, breathing, and acknowledging your own frustration or anxiety before responding to the child's meltdown.

This approach pushes back against the common "good job" or "you're okay" scripts that many parents use. Instead, Campbell encourages adults to name the feeling without judgment and to sit with the child in the discomfort. The goal is not to stop the crying, but to help the child build a vocabulary for what they are experiencing. It requires adults to unlearn their own emotional habits, which were often shaped by being told to "calm down" or "stop crying" as children themselves.

For modern parents juggling schedules and stress, this inward focus can feel like one more task. But Campbell frames it as a shift in perspective, not an added chore. By looking inward first, adults model the very behavior they want to see. The child learns that big feelings are not dangerous, and that connection, not correction, is the path through them.