“I did it secretly…” Kanika Mann on why middle-class parents hate extracurriculars and getting “too much attention” is seen as a red flag

October 6, 2026 - 09:58

For some parents, school activities outside academics can feel like a distraction rather than an opportunity. Dance competitions, debates, music, theatre or even standing on a stage may raise concerns that a child will lose focus from studies or become too comfortable with attention. This mindset often shapes how young people pursue their interests, forcing many to hide their passions or treat them as guilty pleasures rather than genuine ambitions.

The pressure to stay within a narrow definition of success is common in households where academic marks are treated as the only measure of worth. Extracurriculars are sometimes viewed as hobbies that should not interfere with serious goals. Standing out or receiving praise can even be seen as a warning sign, as if visibility invites trouble or breeds arrogance.

Young people who want to explore creative fields often find themselves balancing two lives. They practice in secret, attend auditions without telling anyone and downplay their achievements to avoid lectures about priorities. Over time, this secrecy can create distance between children and parents who genuinely want the best for them but struggle to understand a different path.

The conversation around extracurriculars is changing slowly. More families are beginning to see that confidence, discipline and teamwork learned outside the classroom can support academic growth rather than harm it. Still, the old fears persist in many homes, and the cost is paid by those who must choose between following a passion and keeping the peace.