Understanding Executive Function Skills in Young Children

8 June 2025

Let’s face it—parenting young kids can feel like herding cats. And more often than not, you're wondering why your child can't remember to tie their shoes, follow simple instructions, or stop bouncing off the walls when it’s time to go to bed. The truth is, it's not about being forgetful or defiant. What you’re really up against is something called executive function.

Sounds fancy, right? But executive function is simply the brain’s management system—it helps us plan, focus, remember instructions, and juggle multiple tasks smoothly. And like any management system, it takes time to develop. If you’re raising a preschooler or early elementary-aged child, understanding what executive function is—and how it develops—can be a total game-changer.

In this article, we’ll unpack what executive function skills actually are, why they’re critical for your child’s development, and how you can help nurture them every day.

What Are Executive Function Skills?

Think of executive function as the CEO of the brain. It’s a set of mental skills that include:

- Working memory – holding info in your head and using it (like remembering the rules of a game while playing).
- Cognitive flexibility – switching gears when plans change (like dealing with a last-minute rain check on a park day).
- Inhibitory control – stopping impulses (like not grabbing a toy out of a sibling’s hand).

These three areas work together like gears in a machine. If one is rusty or underdeveloped, the whole setup can get thrown off.

Now, here's the kicker: executive function builds slowly over time. It starts in infancy but doesn’t fully mature until the mid-20s. Yep, the mid-20s! So if your 4-year-old is melting down over putting away LEGO blocks, it’s not because they enjoy torturing you—it’s because their brain is still wiring up.

Why Executive Function Matters in Early Childhood

We often expect kids to just “know better” or “try harder,” but that only works if their brain is on board developmentally. Strong executive function skills are linked to:

- Better academic performance
- Healthier social interactions
- Improved emotional regulation
- Stronger problem-solving skills

Basically, it’s the foundation for lifelong success. When kids can think before they act, focus on a task, and manage their emotions, they’re not just surviving—they’re thriving.

And when they struggle in these areas? You might see frequent tantrums, frustration with small challenges, trouble following steps, or difficulty sharing and waiting their turn. Sound familiar?

The Building Blocks: Breaking Down the Core Skills

Let’s take a closer look at the core components of executive function and how they show up in everyday life.

1. Working Memory

Working memory is like a sticky note in your child’s brain. It helps them remember and use information temporarily.

In action: Your child listens to your three-step instruction: “Put your shoes on, grab your backpack, and meet me at the door.” If they forget the first two steps halfway through, their working memory is still under construction.

How to support it: Break tasks into small chunks. Use visuals or repeat instructions. Keep expectations age-appropriate, and don’t be surprised if they need reminders.

2. Cognitive Flexibility

This is the skill that allows your child to “roll with the punches” when plans change or things don’t go as expected.

In action: The library’s closed—cue meltdown. A flexible thinker can adjust ("Okay, we’ll go tomorrow!") while others need more support shifting gears.

How to support it: Talk through alternative plans. Use phrases like, “Sometimes plans change. That’s okay, we can be flexible.” Modeling calm reactions goes a long way, too.

3. Inhibitory Control

Impulse control is tough for young kids. If your toddler hits when frustrated or blurts out answers in class, inhibitory control is still maturing.

In action: They want a cookie now, but dinner is in 10 minutes. Telling them “just wait” doesn't always cut it when their brain is screaming “NOW!”

How to support it: Practice waiting with games like “Red Light, Green Light” or “Simon Says.” Praise moments when they pause before acting. Keep expectations realistic and be patient—this one takes years to fully develop.

What’s Normal Development and What’s Not?

All kids develop on their own timeline. Some 3-year-olds can sit through a story quietly; others might fidget and lose focus after a single page. That’s okay.

But there are a few signs to look out for if you’re concerned:

- Trouble following two-step instructions consistently
- Frequent emotional outbursts over small changes
- Difficulty transitioning between tasks
- Inability to wait or take turns with peers

If these behaviors persist and significantly impact daily routines, it might be time to talk to your pediatrician or a child psychologist. Early intervention can make a huge difference.

How to Foster Executive Function at Home

Good news: You don’t need a fancy curriculum or a PhD in child development to help your child build strong executive skills. Everyday life offers plenty of opportunities for practice.

1. Encourage Pretend Play

Role-playing is like the gym for executive function. Kids have to remember rules, stay in character, and adapt when the storyline changes.

Try this: Set up a pretend grocery store or doctor’s office. Let them take the lead and navigate the storyline.

2. Make Routines Visual

Kids love predictability. Visual charts or cue cards help them stay on track without constant nagging.

Try this: Create a morning checklist with pictures: brush teeth, get dressed, eat breakfast, pack bag. Let them move a magnet or check a box after each step.

3. Use Games That Build Self-Control

Simple games like “Freeze Dance,” “Mother May I?”, or memory card games challenge kids to listen, wait, and follow directions.

Try this: Turn daily tasks into games—like "beat the timer" to pick up toys or practicing “quiet mouths” while walking in public.

4. Break Tasks Into Steps

Young kids get overwhelmed by big instructions.

Try this: Instead of “Clean your room,” say, “Let’s put the books back on the shelf first. Then we’ll do the blocks.” One step at a time keeps them from shutting down.

5. Praise the Process, Not Just the Outcome

Celebrate effort, even if they didn’t get it perfect. That builds confidence and resilience.

Try this: Say things like, “I saw you stopped before grabbing the toy—that was great self-control!” or “You remembered all the steps to get ready this morning. Awesome job!”

When Executive Dysfunction Becomes a Bigger Issue

So, what happens if your child is way behind in these areas? Sometimes, executive dysfunction is linked to conditions like:

- ADHD
- Autism Spectrum Disorder
- Sensory Processing Disorder
- Anxiety

That doesn’t mean your child is broken. It means their brain is wired a bit differently, and they might need more structured support. Therapies like occupational therapy (OT), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and behavioral interventions can help.

If you’re in doubt, trust your gut. Speak to your child’s doctor and ask for assessments. You are your child’s best advocate.

The Long Game: Executive Function and the Future

Building executive function isn’t a sprint—it’s more of a long, winding hike. There will be setbacks and shortcuts, but every experience helps your child grow.

Think of each tantrum, each forgotten shoe, each emotional outburst as a learning moment. Not just for them, but for you too.

Kids won’t magically develop these skills overnight. But with your guidance, your patience, and a little creativity, they’ll get better at handling life’s curveballs. And hey, you’ll get better at staying calm through the chaos too.

Real-Life Example: Meet Ava

Let’s take 5-year-old Ava. Every morning was a battlefield. She’d forget half the things needed for school, fight about getting dressed, and fall into a puddle of tears when her cereal bowl wasn’t “the right one.”

Her parents were at the end of their rope.

But instead of punishing her for “bad behavior,” they changed their approach. They made a picture-based morning chart, gave her control over small choices (“Blue socks or red?”), and played games that helped her practice focus. Within a few weeks, mornings ran smoother.

Not perfect. But better.

That’s the power of understanding executive function. It flips the script from “What’s wrong with my kid?” to “How can I help her succeed?”

Final Thoughts

Teaching your child about executive function is one of the most powerful things you can do as a parent. These aren’t fancy academic terms—they’re real-life skills that determine how your child handles emotions, learns in school, and forms healthy relationships.

So next time your preschooler melts down over putting on their jacket, pause. Take a breath. And remember—it’s not defiance. It’s a developing brain doing its best. With the right tools and a whole lot of patience, you can guide them toward strong executive function and resilience that lasts a lifetime.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not about raising a perfectly behaved child—it’s about helping them become capable, confident, and kind humans.